3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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