And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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