That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
