Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
