She is in my trunk
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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