ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Randomize
