oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
