Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
