Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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