I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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