I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
