Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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