A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
