Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
