I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
