my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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