Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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