So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
