so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
