Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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