I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
