Can i not drive my cunt home
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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