How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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