Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
