IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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