you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
