I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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