Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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