so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
