Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
