I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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