There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Green mimosas i think yes
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
