I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
