weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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