Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
