So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
