I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
should my penis look like a turkey
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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