I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
