I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
