Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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