so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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