you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
