i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It's blow job season.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
