I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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