Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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