Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
