this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
