put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
