Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
