My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
