Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize