i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
