I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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