so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
