Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
