Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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