I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I have fence marks all over my body
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
