Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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