The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
