i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
sex in a hospital.. check
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
