all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
