my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
