did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
