More tranny stories later!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize