oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize