it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
