Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
