I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
