They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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