i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
