So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
