eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
