We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
