Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
