I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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