I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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