hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
