WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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