We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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