She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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