I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
