You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
