dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize