It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
