I think im going to throw up on grandma
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
