why didn't you poke me back
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
