I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
