Swine flu. Run for my life!
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
