Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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