i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize