Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
