The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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