We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Holy shit dude........stairs
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
