he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
