just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
