Im at strip club and am horny
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i think my mom watched the whole time
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
