I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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