i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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